Catch Our Disease...(Please, Baby Please)

At the beginning of the year, four of us tested positive for Celiac Disease. (Myself, Buttermilk Sky, Eggs on Toast, and Junior.) While it requires dietary changes and vigilance, really, if you're going to have a disease, I would choose this one over many others. And, it's lucky for the boys that we have discovered it early before they have developed unpleasant autoimmune disorders or cancer due to gluten damaging their bodies.

Since this discovery I have heard Eggs say things to his friends such as, "Guess what? I have a disease." His friends eye him and say, "What disease?" Eggs says, "I'm not sure, but it's the one that means I can't eat glue--um, something with glue." Then later he comes to me and says, "Mom, what disease do I have?"

So, now that you know that we are diseased, why don't you come on over a little closer and see if you catch it? It's not so bad--all you have to do is stop eating glue.



PS. You know I'm joking about catching it, right? Celiac is hereditary but not contagious...I don't want to spread any misconceptions. Please don't shun us! At least not more than usual.

Another Use for Silly Putty

Shortly after this, some silly putty horns appeared on me. I neglected to take a picture.

Far Grandma (after laughing): Horns? That should be a halo on your mother's head.

Onion Ring: Well, maybe sometimes. But the horns are accurate, too.

Be Good to Your Self

The other day Brandon and Junior went shopping and Junior got a sucker at the store. On the way home Brandon noticed that Junior had his head down and his lower lip stuck out in a huge pout.

Brandon: What's the matter, Junior?

Junior (wimpering): I hurt my self's feelings.

Brandon: How did you do that?

Junior: I chewed up my sucker and now its gone.

A Better Ending

At some point during the Christmas festivities, our boys watched Disney's "Beauty and the Beast" at the Silly Grandma's house. They had never seen it before and this is what they said when asked about it on the way home:

Onion Ring: Not that great, but it was okay.

Buttermilk Sky: There was a fight scene that was all right. It would have been better if the beast had been evil.

Brandon: Did you like it when the beast became human?

Onion Ring: Eew, no way.

Buttermilk Sky: That was so dumb. Here's how it should have ended. When the Beast became human, Belle should have said she didn't like him anymore because she only liked him when he was a beast. Then he would have turned back into a beast because she didn't love him and the spell came back on. Then she would have said she loved him again since he was a beast again and then the beast would have thrown her off of a cliff because she said she didn't love him when he was human.



Do you think Disney may want to hire him in the future?

Pwnage

Are you confused by my title? Do you think that I misspelled something? If you do, then you are about as hip as I am.

A few weeks ago I heard this exchange (or something like it):

Onion Ring: "I poned you, Buttermilk Sky!"

Buttermilk Sky: "No, I poned you!"

"What?" I said, "What did you guys just say?"

They repeated themselves and I had to ask them to repeat again, because I still was unsure of what I had heard.

I said, "Did you say, pone?"

They nodded.

I asked what it meant and where they had heard it. They said they thought it meant "to defeat" and that everyone at school said it. I said they were nuts and that there was no such word except that meant "bread" as in "corn pone" (corn bread). I googled it to make sure, and could find no other meanings for "pone" other than what I had just told them. Thereafter, if I heard them say things such as, "I poned you!" I responded with, "You breaded him?" and I continued to insist that there was no such word and what were they thinking? And if all their friends said it, then did that make it a real word?

Then a while later, Onion Ring told me that one of his friends said that it was spelled "pwn". So I googled it and there it was. It turns out that it is Internet slang. This word appears to have been developed by online gamers, meaning "own", as in "I owned you!"--meaning to dominate.

I am not a gamer, I don't frequent chat rooms, or tweet, or even have a Facebook account, so I am mostly unaware of this whole Internet culture language, but I found it rather fascinating. It is slang developed from a keyboard--gamers, hackers, programmers, etc. of this international community are continually developing new ways to communicate, mostly cryptic in nature. A lot of it is visual with numbers and symbols being subbed for letters (3=E, 7=T, etc.) and some of it comes from keyboard mistakes ("own" becomes "pwn" from a slight typo). I suppose that the "words" that translate into spoken language are working their way in to become spoken slang.

I'm not as Internet savvy as many of you out there and my social circle is more knowledgeable of '80's slang than anything else. So who of you already knew this word? Or have for ages? Or have never heard of it? Or are fluent in Internet slang?

Easy Cheesy

This boy knows cheesy.

Junior has a way with words. Lately we've been hearing this phrase quite a bit:

"That's a piece of cheese!"

For example, "Swinging myself is a piece of cheese!"

Junior does love cheese. He likes cake, too, but he gets cheese more often.

On a Role

Junior was on a role today with his wisecracks. Although he didn't know they were wisecracks. Luckily I wrote them down so that I didn't forget.


Wisecrack #1, after catching a whiff of the restaurant we were driving past:

Junior: Whenever I get a smell of restaurant it makes me hungry of hot dogs.


Wisecrack #2, in retrospect:

Junior: I think I know why she (the Silly Grandma) gave me the awesomest present (for his birthday).

Me: Why?

Junior: Because she thinks I'm cute. And because she likes me so much.


Wisecrack #3, as we were driving home:

Junior: Mom, can we go the "man way" home?

Me: The "man way"? What's the "man way"?

Junior: I'll show you.

He showed me. It turns out that the "man way" to our home means that you turn onto the street before our street which loops around and connects into our street. It is the way Brandon drives home when he is pulling the trailer because when he comes from that direction he can park the trailer from the proper angle. Hence, the "man way".

When I Grow Up...

The other day we were discussing what we want to be when we grow up.

Eggs on Toast: When I grow up I want to be a chemical scientist. Mom, what do you want to be?

Me: Oh, probably an artist and a writer.

Eggs: And a mom!

Me: Yes, and aren't I lucky? I already am a mom.

Junior: Why don't you want to be an angel?

Me: Oh, that's a good idea. I hadn't thought of that.

Junior: I want to be a fire cheetah.

Me: What's a fire cheetah?

Junior: A cheetah made out of fire.

For Instance, Mild Irritation or Polite Regret?

Not long ago Onion Ring came home from his friend's house and told his brothers how his friend's sister would burst out from time to time with a random remark directed at them as follows; "For instance, bagel or muffin?" or "For instance, platypus or armadillo?" Onion Ring found this very entertaining and consequently a fad began at our house. I'm sure you can imagine the ramifications of such a fad.

Then the following conversation occurred yesterday:

Eggs on Toast: Bagel or muffin?

Onion Ring: Please stop saying that. I regret telling that to you.

(My congrats to Onion Ring for handling himself in such a polite manner!)

Then Junior piped up: Nuclear submarine or the awesomest car you can think of?

Marvelous Mammals

As we were driving home this evening, Eggs on Toast said, "It is so freaky that we are mammals!"

Brandon said, "Yeah, isn't that weird?"

Then Eggs on Toast said, "We are mammals driving a car!"

The COOLEST Place to Work

Yesterday Brandon had to work late so we brought him dinner. It was the first time the boys and I had been inside Brandon's workplace and in the lunch room there is a theater popcorn machine. Brandon popped them some corn and they liked watching how it worked and then he told them they could have as much as they wanted.

Onion Ring was heard to exclaim, "When I grow up, I want to work here!"

The Truth

Tonight as Onion Ring was slowly and painstakingly filling a cup to the brim with ice and water, then sitting down to carefully and daintily sip little bitty sips (another in a long line of mundane, random tasks that were suddenly extremely important to him) I said, "Onion Ring, quit doing things to avoid doing your homework."

Onion Ring replied, "Yes, I am very skilled in that art."

Morning Joke

This morning Junior told us a joke that he made up.

Junior: "Why did the big, big baby cross the road?"

Me: "I don't know. Why?"

Junior: "To get the big, big chicken. And kill it."

When I'm a Grandma

Onion Ring: Hey mom, when I grow up and have kids, you'll be a grandma.
Me: Yeah.
Onion Ring: But I think you're going to have to change because my grandmas are nice and not so strict, you know?

Time to Investigate

Junior: "Mom, we have a secret potty place outside."

Me: "You do? Where?"

Junior: "By the snowball bush."

Me: "Who uses the secret potty place?"

Junior: "No one."

Torpedos

If you would like to learn a graceful way to change the subject should the need arise, take a lesson from Junior. The other day I was talking with the boys on a religious topic in an attempt to teach. Junior piped up and said, "Can we talk about torpedos?"

Baker Boys

The other day Buttermilk Sky asked if he could make cookies. Here is what followed.

The boys' friend, Chase, happened to be over.

While they were eating their cookies, Buttermilk Sky and Chase began discussing the book, "Diary of a Wimpy Kid." They talked about one part that involved a boy chasing another boy with a booger on his finger. Then the boy with the booger offered to let the other boy put the booger on his finger and do the chasing. (Sounds like a really good book, eh?) Chase then said, "Why would you want to put someone else's booger on your finger?" (Inferred: his own booger on his finger is fine.) Buttermilk Sky wholeheartedly agreed.

Lunchtime Conversations

Here is a portion of the conversation that went on at lunch today:

Junior: Mom, I had a really creepy dream.
Me: Really? When?
Junior: I don't know.
Me: What happened in your dream?
Junior: I don't know.
Eggs on Toast: Once I had a sad dream.
Me: What happened in your sad dream?
Eggs on Toast: There were a bunch of cats who got lost and fell off a cliff.
Me: Oh, that is sad. When did you have that dream?
Eggs on Toast: A long time ago, before I was five.

A little while later:

Junior: Mom, why do bunnies have snivers like cats have?
Me: What? Sniffers?
Junior: No, snivers.
Me: Snivers?
Junior: Yeah.
Me: What are "snivers?"
Junior: Those things that Napoleon (our cat) has.
Me: What things that Napoleon has?
Eggs on Toast: You mean paws.
Junior: Yeah. Mom, why do bunnies have paws?
Me: Just because. Eggs on Toast, how did you know that snivers were paws?
Eggs on Toast: Weeelll, because Napoleon has paws.
Junior: Yeah, paws.